


It's Hard to See the Truth When You Think You're Light is Gone

by CanuckChicklette



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Also mentions of Milah, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-05
Updated: 2013-01-05
Packaged: 2017-11-23 18:52:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 675
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/625457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CanuckChicklette/pseuds/CanuckChicklette
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're so much more than a hand, Killian. I hope one day I can help you see that."</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Hard to See the Truth When You Think You're Light is Gone

“You’re so much more than a hand, Killian-“

Sometimes, when he was lying in his bed, the pirate tended to turn onto his side and stare at what used to be his left hand. The world around him seemed to melt away and he was left only with the reminder of what had once been; what he had lost. More than his hand. The tiny glitter of hope in an unfair world. A goddess. True Love. Of everything he had ever done, Milah was the one thing he could never regret. He would trade away the world to get her back. But that was impossible, and now he couldn’t even have his revenge on that man... that crocodile. He couldn’t get back home either. All he could do was start a new life, here, in Storybrooke. In a new home, with a new lover. He cared for August deeply. In some ways, he and the writer were exactly the same. In others, they were complete opposites. The man was a tantalizing challenge. Nothing was ever quite what it seemed; there was always more. But Killian didn’t believe – didn’t want to believe – that he could ever be as important as Milah had been. 

“- I hope that one day I can help you see that.”

But there were moments, like now, when his emotional barrier was shattered and his heart was left open. In these moments, the pirate allowed himself to consider that August could be so much more.

Killian smiled, but otherwise didn’t move a muscle. He just laid there, waiting patiently to the see what his companion would do next.

August hated to see Killian like this, drowning in self-regret and sacrifice. The writer knew what he was thinking of: his lost love. Knowing that he could never live up to her – never take his Captain’s pain away – was unbearable. It was a tightness in his stomach. Nausea. Constant, and getting worse with each passing second. It triggered the fear that all he was, and all he could ever be, was a substitute. And a poor excuse for one, at that. But that was truly out of his control. All he could do was try his best and maybe, just maybe, the captain would stay in his arms. 

He curled up close behind the man, wrapping his arm around Killian, and then he gently kissed the pirate’s shoulder.

Killian felt strangely comforted, and secured. It had been a long time since he had felt any kind of safety from another person. He thought it odd that he didn’t allow this kind of intimacy more often. Generally, he was the dominant figure; the one in control. That way he could exercise caution. Keep the mysterious man, at a metaphysical “arm’s length.” But when he did let go of that control, he felt... better. He felt more human, more accepted, and more loved. He took the new closeness, and the soft peck, as signs that he could press on with the matter.

“Then tell me, wordsmith, what else am I?”

True to that title, August took a few moments to craft his words, much like a master carpenter would thoughtfully and carefully create a design. His words were his best asset, he needed to choose them wisely.

“Two beautiful eyes; as blue as the sea, and as easy to get to lost in.”

“An impressive array of stubble. And in that, somewhere, two lips. Soft. Supple. Inviting. And always prepared to best someone with your intricate words.”

“A mind like a puzzle. One that you could work on your entire life, and never solve... But you never stop trying anyway.”

“And a heart. One so big, so full of love and compassion. Though, you will never admit it, not even to yourself.”

And then, there moments like this... when Killian knew that August could be someone that he cared for beyond reason, beyond the limitations of the word. Someone he loved, perhaps even more so than his lady. But... he could never let himself fully accept that.


End file.
